255. There There

There's this great Radiohead song from some time back that goes like this...

"There's always a siren 
Singing you to shipwreck 
(Don't reach out, don't reach out 
Don't reach out, don't reach out) 
Steer away from each rocks 
We'd be a walking disaster 
(Don't reach out, don't reach out 
Don't reach out, don't reach out) 

Just 'cause you feel it 
Doesn't mean it's there 
(Someone on your shoulder 
Someone on your shoulder) 
Just 'cause you feel it 
Doesn't mean it's there 
(Someone on your shoulder 
Someone on your shoulder) 
There there!"

As with all great songs, those words once heard just kinda stuck. There was just something about that surreal and nightmarish landscape the song evoked and those darkly prophetic themes that resonated deeply.

There There is subtitled, aptly one might add, The Boney King of Nowhere. From an album called Hail to the Thief. How nicely befitting today's tale of woe.

RUN!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! FSW's out to get you!

Now then, if you're a true Chelsea fan like me, you should have an inkling of how I feel this morning. And why those words have come to haunt me again, like long dormant memory kindled by trauma.

This is Chelsea. We are the reigning Champions League holders. We were in contention to win seven trophies this season. And we had a squad to challenge for them...after Neymar, Eden Hazard was surely the one player that all teams coveted. And with Oscar, Brazil's number 10, we bought a player who could undoubtedly compliment Mata's playmaking skills.

Now, we're out of the Champions League. We were humiliated by Atletico in the Super Cup and Swansea in the League Cup. We didn't show up in Tokyo for the World Cup Club. We fluffed the Charity Shield. And we don't have any realistic chance in hell of winning the Premier League.

Then we conspired to give away a 2 nil lead to lowly Reading in the last 3 minutes of the match. A match that I woke up 4 in the morning to watch. It's still sinking in. The suffering, the sweet suffering.

The result itself is not so shocking with Chelsea these days. The last time we looked remotely solid in defence was under the early days of Ancelotti's second season. And only because of our attack was so effective. Gone is the defend at all costs mentality cultivated under Mourinho, when we played like the Milan of old, giving away nothing and choking the opponent in a battles of attrition.

We're supposedly more expansive now, with creative players needing freedom to breathe. Defensive discipline is no longer our priority. And in this blogger's opinion, all the better. If you're Abramovich sat there watching the effective but dull displays of Mourinho's Chelsea, you'd too be wondering just what you spent all those hundreds of millions of pounds on. Especially if it was an entirely enthralling game between Man United and Real Madrid that ended 3 all that brought you to buy a football club in the first place.

Sure, winning is great. Winning ugly is great too, if you have limited resources and means. But if you're a billionaire, and you've dumped millions in, surely you should expect something a little more.

Thus Abramovich's experiment began. His prime picks like Ancelotti and AVB came and went. With stop gap measures of Grant, Scolari and Hiddink in between. Yet, that winning attacking style still eluded him.

Then came Di Matteo, a former player and Chelsea legend. He brought back the defensive identity of old, going back to basics after AVB's project spectacularly failed (in my mind, due to the players he had at his disposal, if only he were manager now). That brought the FA Cup and more importantly, the elusive Champions League trophy. With that, a permanent contract as manager.

As time would tell, Di Matteo's project would too go awry. Too many new players, no distinctive style of play. More tellingly, he tried to turn Chelsea into a possession based attacking team. It worked to a certain extent, but without a Modric or Xavi to control the midfield, it was doomed to failure.

So Benitez comes in. I'll let the facts say it all. He used to manage Liverpool. He insulted Chelsea fans when he was their manager. He was sacked after half a season with Inter Milan after Mourinho's Champions League triumph there. He also has the worse stats of any Chelsea manager, ever.

There you go. He might not be boney, but he's sung us to shipwreck. Hail to the great thief of our hope and dreams.

Damn you FSW, damn you to hell.

251. Wrath

"Let grief Convert to anger; blunt not the heart, enrage it,"
- Macbeth (4.3.228-9)

Chelsea went down 2-3 to Manchester United at Stamford Bridge last night. After coming back from 2 goals down, Chelsea had two players sent off before conceding a third goal to United, scored from a player that seemed off-site as replays seemed to suggest.

Torres was sent off for a second yellow card for diving, even as replays showed there was contact.

After the match, Chelsea brought charges for abusive language (with a suggestion that some of it was racial in nature) by the referee, Mark Clattenburg towards two of their players.

Those are the facts of the case. Time shall tell what comes of it.

Till then, good night and good luck.

248. The Return of the King

On the Euros and beyond

So Spain were worthy winners, at the expense of my beloved Italy. But who can begrudge a team so talented as them? True, they only hit top form in the final, but there's no one else in Europe, not even Germany, who can match their play when they're on their day.

Italy? Well, until they find a new no. "10" to fill Bobby Baggio's shoes and a "3" to fill Maldini's, this Italy team will continue to be a hard-working and solid team, but sad to say, not quite world beaters. Giovinco doesn't seem up to the task...who else?

Two years to Brazil...might come too soon for Italy, and probably it's one tourney too many for this Spanish team. Belgium, if they mature and get their act together could have a decent run, and probably will be genuine contenders in the next Euros. They have generation unlike no other at the moment...Hazard, Kompany, Vermaelen, Vertonghen, Lukaku, Dembele, Witsel...unless they go all Dutch-like, I'd pick them as dark horses...perhaps a quarter-final finish in the World Cup, and a semi-final run in the Euros.

I still want Messi's Argentina to win it in Brazil, if only because a player as great as him deserves it to get all the hacks off his back. Messi's the greatest there is, and perhaps, the greatest that will ever be.

On Eden Hazard



Stamford Bridge hasn't seen a true king since the halcyon days when Gianfranco Zola reigned over all amongst it's hallowed walls.

Now, the season has thus started...

Spears shall be shaken,
Shields shall be splintered,
A sword-day, a red-day, ere the sun rises!

And a new king be revealed beneath the summer sun. His raiment is blue, as apt for a great knight of the hither lands. He comes forth from glory, and he be joined in glory. And he sings, for his motion is poetry...a poetic song of such singular passion and beauty that it shall move all who witness it to tears...

That is all.

On the Olympics

Brazil and Spain inevitably disappointed. But both Neymar and Oscar look the real deal. Luckily Oscar's off to Chelsea and Neymar's staying in Brazil. Stay there you fool, stay! But if we can't have you, no one else can! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Erm, ok.

Archery is my new favourite sport. That legally blind Korean dude who won it all is totally bad-ass.

I will shoot this arrow up your ass, and I can't even see you

Second to that is volleyball, women's volleyball...the Brazilian women's volleyball team to be precise. And I swear to you that it has nothing to do with one Jacqueline Carvalho who plays for them...

Gold goes to Brazil...damn right it did

The Olympics are truly a marvellous spectacle...

On the Dark Knight Rises

Let me get this straight. The Dark Knight Rises wasn't really a Batman movie. It was a Nolan movie. Bruce Wayne just does not retire to enjoy Florence with the Catwoman in tow. That's not who Bruce Wayne is. But I guess it works for the Bruce Wayne of Nolan's trilogy of films.

There were moments in the film that were great, but also many parts that were troublesome and didn't work. It doesn't quite achieve the grandeur and spectacle it wants to be, and it does fall beneath the weight of it's own bloated script. Whilst The Dark Knight was truly a masterpiece for the tale it wanted to tell, which was a good old-fashioned sprawling crime yarn akin to Michael Mann's Heat, you could tell that TDKR was aspiring to be something greater and momentous (Nolan drew inspiration from Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities) but didn't quite get there.

TDK was carried by Ledger's brilliant performance as the Joker, and had some truly gripping set-pieces. TDKR had an ok villain, a weak first and third act, and sadly, no emotional weight to it. I wished I cared more for Wayne's final act of sacrifice, but I didn't. Nolan directs his movies cold, and it was none more apparent than in that scene. You can't have an emotional pay-off if there's no build-up to it. And also, Nolan still doesn't know how to direct action.

Don't get me wrong, TDKR is still superior in all aspects that popcorn flicks like The Avengers (save for the action scenes), but it's well below the bar set by TDK and just below the enjoyable but still flawed Batman Begins.

For the inevitable reboot of the next series of Batman films, what we need is something more ambitious in scope and grandeur, a series that will tell Batman's tale end-to-end. And it can't be told in a trilogy, no way. Seven films seems right...with Batman: Year One being the starting point of the first film, and ending with The Dark Knight Returns.

We need to see a story told similar to The Wire, charting Batman's rise and fall, and rise again, and have the tale told from all Gotham's denizens. From Gordon to Dent, the Joker to the Penguin. I can do without the supernatural elements, and too much high tech stuff (Batman is not Bond). Plus the action scenes need to be kick-ass. It's probably time to design a suit that is mobile and actually is conducive to fighting.

Now who can direct such a feature? I love Neill Blomkamp's District 9, that was truly a flick that combined action, humour and heart into one. Let's see how he does with his new effort Elysium. If he proves to be consistent, he might be a smart choice.

On Life in General

Apple's won it's suit against Samsung. Good or bad? Who knows...Apple ripped off Xerox back in the day, and Microsoft ripped them off in turn. It's a pirate rip-off pirate world out there. The game is rigged...but you cannot lose if you do not play. I just so love The Wire.

There's shit going down in Syria which is bad for everyone. But aren't we just so desensitised by what's been happening in the Middle East that it's just images and words flashing before us on screen? It seems that we're more interested on which celebrity did what rather than tackling some truly important issues. Life is like that. The world has moved on, and many have forgotten the faces of their Fathers.

The local political scene has just taken comedy to new heights with the release of that May 13 flick. That one should be a gem.

And the final word goes to Richard from Danny Boyle's adaptation of Alex Garland's The Beach...

"I still believe in paradise. But now at least I know it's not some place you can look for. Because it's not where you go. It's how you feel for a moment in your life when you're a part of something. And if you find that moment... It lasts forever..."

247. Hazard

He's finally ours. Troll or no Troll, Hazard is a Blue now. And we'll love him to bits. For the first time since Robben, Chelsea has a player who'll run at players. He has that little bit of fantasy to him as well, just like Zola. With all due respect to Mata, Hazard is that marquee signing Chelsea has been waiting to make since the days of Sheva and Ballack. Even those two were over-the-hill. Hazard is up and rising, and his star can only get brighter. He might not be consistent throughout, or reach the great heights we're expecting of him to hit in his first season, but he'll get there. I know he will.

C'mon you Blues!

246. EURO '12

Ze Germans are coming! Ze Germans!

Surely, it's their time now. Barring Spain, they have the most talented squad in Europe at the moment. From back to front, they're class. Hummels will surely develop into the best defender in the world. Calm in possession, quick in thought, and has an eye for the pass too. After Thiago Silva and Kompany, I personally rate him as no. 3 at the moment. Complimenting him in defence are Lahm and Boateng, solid and consistent performers every team needs to make it. In midfield, they're bursting in the seams with talent. From Ozil to Gotze, Schweinsteiger to Muller, they've got a good mix of experience, creativity and aggression that will see them far. Gomez up top is a proven goal-scorer (Champs league finals notwithstanding...a final that Chelsea won! CHELSEA!!! CHELSEA!!! CHELSEA!!!).

My bet is on them, unless Spain can pull herself out of their current lethargy. The success of Barcelona has clearly taken it's toll on this team. Barca players like Iniesta and Xavi have look a bit jaded. Plus Villa is injured. And the fact that they've been so successful in the last two tourneys makes a treble success look unlikely. I'd love them to win it however, as when on form, Spain are still the best team in the world.

And my Italy? Well...any team that has Giovinco, Pirlo and Cassano surely can compete. But to go all the way? Not likely. There's just too much mediocre talent in the team now. Good as he is, Giovinco is no Baggio or Del Piero. Cassano is erratic. Pirlo is reaching the twilight of his career. And the defence is susceptible to lapses in concentration (case in point, the 3 nil reversal v Russia). It shames me to say this, but Italy's defence looks the weakest in ages. Baresi and Maldini would weep.

And Inger-lund? For once, not much hype. Justifiably so. This England team has no stars, no imagination, and plays an archaic 4-4-2 formation from the dark ages. They will be solid. They will be tough to beat. And they might nick a goal or two with their long ball tactics. But win it? Hell no. Seems to me that they're following Di Matteo's Chelsea blueprint. With some exceptions. It was written long ago, in the secret scrolls of the divine football Old Ones that Chelsea would win it this year. With the comedic and tragic Drogba as the hero. Against the football gods of Barcelona did Chelsea prevail. Unjust? Perhaps...but Barca's had too much success already. It was Chelsea's time. Only for the reason that success will probably bring us Hazard and Hulk. For Inger-lund to do it? Naw man...too much sin and hubris has been committed by this team. Fat Lamps has been punished with his injury. Terry will too perhaps get his reckoning. But enough of the tourney muppets...time to get your EURO on.

Last word to Hazard, you internet troll you. You better sign on for Chelsea or I'll freaking break your legs!!!

245. Legends

244. CHAMPIONS!!!!!

Chelsea are the Champions of Europe. Nuff said.

239. Barca

“We teach the boys the same principles ​that any wise parent would teach to their children,” says Folguera. These principles are respect, responsibility, commitment, work, discipline, self-demanding and, above all, humility.

http://www.totalbarca.com/2011/youth/la-masia-the-value-of-having-values/

Not only do they have the best team in the world, and the best three players (Messi, Xavi and Iniesta), the best right back (Alves), the best defensive midfielder (Busquets), the best defender (Pique), and the best supporting cast (Fabregas, Thiago, Sanchez, Villa)...they also have the best youth team.

And all these guys are thought to have principles and values that would make any parent proud. No Beckhams, Bartons, Gerrards, and Lampards here. No, no. Only humility and old-fashioned values like hard work and discipline.

Bastards.

238. Holiday Cheers All Round

C'mon Chels. Spread some of that goodwill over the festive season. And if you're hating, then what the hell's a Mata with you?

Heh.

233. A Season of Flourishes

My team Chelsea is a state of transition. Arguably, they've been in such state for the last 3 to 4 years. The season of the Double was an anomaly.

Ancelotti was the right coach, at the right time. He managed to coax out one last hurrah from the likes of Lampard, Drogba and Anelka. He saw that there was a trophy or two left in them. His method suited them. He did what he could, and when he couldn't deliver, he was disposed in cold, methodical fashion. Rightly or wrongly, he was out.

A replacement was found. Young and suave, multi-lingual, with a team that conquered Europe (albeit in a second-tier tourney) with vibrant progressive football. Villas-Boas was brought in at great cost. The man Abramovich chose to rebuild this aging and stagnant Chelsea side.

So far, with the spectacle that was the defeat to a youthful Man United, he's shown that he has the balls to play the sort of attacking football that Abramovich craves. He's also proven that he's not afraid to make tough decisions like the substitution of a rapidly fading Frank Lampard. He wants his team to play fast, fluid one touch football, with an emphasis of speed of thought and vertical passing.

So far, Torres has been the greatest beneficiary. It will take sometime yet to completely rebuild him into the Torres of old. Truthfully, the Torres of old may never again emerge...but Chelsea fans worldwide will settle for 75% of that old Torres. And in Juan Mata, they finally have the bit of flair and creativity that Chelsea had so lacked since the departure of Robben.

This Chelsea is still a work-in-progress. A trophy might still yet be beyond them this season. They're still a player or two lacking. Luka Modric would've made a vast difference to re-ignite an engine room so dependent on power and explosiveness rather than guile and control. Terry is no longer the Terry of old, his lack of pace and sometimes poor decision-making has cost Chelsea dear this season.

Modric, Hazard, Gotze. If only it were possible.

Nonetheless, this season looks to be an exciting time for Chelsea. With a few more months, and a wider understanding of the manager's ideas, this team should do well...and be a bigger threat to the continent next season.

230. Striking Distance

Chelsea are within striking distance with Man U. The path to glory is fraught with peril...but that path lie in their hands. Win all remaining, and they will be champions, FACT...only goal difference or the event that Man U drop more points after their Old Trafford duel will change that fact...

If Chelsea go and win it, then it would be one of the greatest comebacks...EVER. This beats last season's Double any day. Especially in light of what would've been a hopeless season. That shows to prove that you always should keep hope, especially hope in light of hopelessness. There's always a chance.

Osama can be gotten at after 10 years and countless cold trails...democratic revolutions can sweep the Middle East after decades of tyrannical regime rule...Even Liverpool can come back from 3 nil down against Milan.

Chelsea can do it, if they remain steadfast and not be distracted by talk. The time for talk is over. If ever there was a time for action, then it is now. Here and now.

C'mon you Blues!!!

227. Mew Mew

So Arsene continues to hear the screaming of the lambs in the cold of night. Mew mew, they cry out, the hapless screams fill his ears and haunts his dreams.

6 years...6 long years...it's humanly impossible to go without for so long...especially for a Top 4 club with lofty aspirations...he wanted to do it his way...so he said...the pure way...yet when it came to it...his team were made to look like Leyton Orient...

Nay! 'Tis not fair! This is not how things should've played out in the grand scheme of things! It has to go my way! Mine! Mine! Mineeeeeee!!!!

Thus he rages...he rages against everything and everyone...he blames dodgy referees...even though his team had only 30% possession and had a single shot at goal before the sending off...he says he felt his team were superior...if only...if only there was no sending off...

Considering that they could've been a man down themselves and would've conceded a penalty at that point is irrelevant...nor is the fact that the score should've been 15 nil...but who cares? If things don't go down the way that Arsene sees fit, then things don't go down at all.

Manure...finish these poor sods off...kill these whiny bastards for good and for the love of the game (but only in the FA Cup, mind...Chelsea just might sneak something!).

226. Six Years

Since Arse last won a trophy. Not even the Mickey Mouse. Not even that.

The Blues face off against Man United this morning in what should've been a key match but instead is relegated into a grudge match of un-epic proportions.

If only good ol Ray was around. He would've realised that the Blues are badly in need of some magic in midfield. Function is so early 2000's. Barca shows us the way.

225. The Year of the Rabbit...

Apparently it brings with it Fernando Torres and David Luiz wrapped in a nice 70 million pound bundle :)

224. Back

2 wins on a trot ain't half bad, considering the Blues' recent form. Let's hope they build on it.

And the fatter one of the pair that is Messrs Gray and Keys has been sacked. Karma baby. Next up is to get rid of that pesky beady eyed fella. Smug lil twat that one.

Celebrity presenters born of a celebrity culture. I guess if people keep telling you how great your are (and I'm not talking about people that matter here...only brown-nosers and arse-wipers), then you start believing your own hype.

Sure all football pundits are created equal...it's just that some pundits believed that they were more equal than others.

Lights out.

222. R. Baggio Can't Save You Lot

Stranger things have happened.

Perhaps Chelsea can pull it off. With ideally the enigmatic David Luiz shoring up the defence. And a Kun Aguero leading the attack.

One can only dream.

Bobby Baggio, where art thou in a time when miracles are needed? There hasn't been one in a decade. Truly.

220. Malaysia Gancang Garuda

3 nil baby.

Hope floats, hell yeah it does.

217. El Clásico

As I sit and watch in stunned silence as Barca rip apart Madrid with the most breathlessly intricate passing and movement you'd ever see, I take a moment to ponder why anyone in the world would settle for the clumsy power play of the EPL?

One man's meat eh...

212. Damaged

But nothing irreversible. A rebound at the Emirates is required. Time to stand fast lads.

On another note, in Josh McEachran Chelsea has a star for the future in the making. A good touch, vision, a bit of guile, he's one to watch.

208. Ci-Teh

Are looking mighty good indeed...potential league winners? Not just yet. But that Toure fella is a tank with a velvet touch.