144. A Steaming Pile of Shit

After witnessing the glorious capitulation of the supposedly bigger team in the Manchester derby, the other big game of the evening proved to be as exciting as watching a steaming pile of fresh dog shit dry up and harden under the afternoon sun. Naw, scrap that, that's being disrespectful to the shit and those those millions of you dog shit drying watchers out there...it was more like watching a live telecast of your nostril hair growing longer, in slow motion.

Chelsea v Liverpool...supposedly "The Best of the English Premier League"...which of course is the Best League in the Known Universe™. Yes of course it is, that's why England's won the World Cup three hundred times and is the Beacon of Hope for All Mankind, lo and behold its great messiahs, Steven "I Am Lord Of All The Known Universe Because The English Media Keep Telling Me So Even Though I'm Really An Average And Overrated Muppet Who Can't Pass Or Dribble" Gerrard and Frank "I'm Not Fat" Lampard...listen to the sage teachings of its prophets, Andy "YOU BEAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTYY" Gray and Richard "Damn Those Foreign Infidels" Keys...

And this they want to bring to the rest of the world, God help us all.