172. The Blues

Ho-hum, here we are well into 2009. So what's new? Economic turmoil, conflict in the Middle East, war in Sri Lanka, greedy corporations asking for bail-outs, and closer to home, corrupt politicians and cops up to their usual shenanigans. Ahhh, it feels like 2008 all over again.

Thank God for the insanity of the EPL to keep the mind off things. Particularly Chelsea, oh beloved Blues. Out goes a respected World Cup winner, in comes a no-necked Dutchman with a liking for incessant barking and who happens to just look, ohhh, just a few marbles short of normal. And let's not forget about those eyes shall we, those mind-boggling looney eyes...

Truth be told, a crack pot who hears voices in his head might just be the remedy to jump start Chelsea's season again, giving much-deserved kicks up the backsides of those overpaid and lazy egos floating about the dressing room. Not talking about anyone in particular here, oh let's just say his name starts with a "D", and ends with "-rogba".

Ok, back to the nonsense of Scolari's sacking. So, let me get this straight. You hire a manager of international pedigree, pay him a King's ransom, promise him funds to breathe new life in an aging squad, more importantly, you promise him flair players to inject magic into a functional squad devoid of flair. So you get him a swashbuckling rightback and a little midfield magician who may just be past his prime a bit. It's fine, cause the crown jewel is on his way, he of the infinite stepovers, Robinho. Your new manager tells him how crucial this acquisition is. And you're confident that the deal will be done. So confident, in fact, that you start printing jerseys with his name before his current club actually agrees to a transfer. Talk about confidence. Heck, you're freaking Chelsea, and no one will get in your way.

Finally, when another club with even more millions hijack your bid, you refuse to pay a few million quid more for this crucial player. Brilliance, sheer brilliance.

This, when you paid 12 million for an average rightback, 24 million for a midget winger from Mancherster and...and this takes the cake...what was it, 17 million (including the settlement with Man U) for one Obi Mikel? Someone who's undoubtedly half the player Diarra is (a player sold for 2 million to Arsenal, and probably ten times more to Real Madrid).

Who is at the heart of this insanity? Which pea-brained retard would sanction such wretched decisions? Why, it's Peter Kenyon of course...transfer deal extraordinaire...remember how he cocked up the Ronaldinho to Man U deal a few years ago? Well, consistency is surely his forte. Please lord, let us be rid of this evil, forgive us the sins of the past (the sackings of Vialli and Scolari; the delay in tying up Zola's contract for another year, the signings of Borgarde, Wright-Philips, Obi Mikel, Kalou, del Horno; the sale of Robben). Rid us of this taint, that threatens to corrupt and lead us into the unending blight...

We need a new saviour, we need the magical no. 25 to return, and lead us once again into the Promised Land, a land flowing with milk and honey.





Would you trust this psycho to run your team?