163. Helter Skelter

The word is out...tomorrow will come and go just like any other day, but it's significance will not be lost on millions of Malaysians. When was the last time anyone remembered what date Malaysia Day fell on? In fact, prior to March 8, did anyone even know what Malaysia Day was?

Everything's oh so different now, eh? 916 is the buzz word on everyone's lips. Yeah, everyone's talking about it with genuine excitement and no little trepidation. But folks, you heard it here first, it ain't happening. Not now, too soon, too chaotic, too uncertain. Nope, but by year's end, we'll be seeing a new PM, and it won't necessarily be Anwar.

I wish to be proven wrong, I sure as hell wish to be left with egg on my face, but I know for sure, as surely as I know that smurfs are blue and Barney is purple that we ain't gonna see the Great Fall anytime soon.

Till then, stay safe out there, and don't let the muppets pull you to their level. Oh no, no, not in this house.

Remember, we had the BN instigated race riots in 1969 (stirred about by the Selangor MB and the DPM), then we had Ops Lalang roughly 20 years later in 1988...now, after another 20 year cycle, it's following an all-too familiar and disturbing cycle...the loss of political power, the incitement of racial hatred and suspicion...an unruly Selangor MB, a scheming DPM, ISA arrests...

Fuck the government man, they don't speak for us.

162. My Amplified Self

I am on the Facebook, now hear me roar...ROAARRRrrrr!!! Grrrr, aint I nasty and cool. Here me roar once more....ROOOOARRRRRR!!!! Yeah baby, ain't I so mean and growly and, um, roar-ry. You know it.

Check out my Facebook profile...I have conjured an amplified version of my self that is so blatantly cool that I'd pity the fool who wouldn't seek to befriend me.

Now lo and behold, for I have a list of 500 friends...30% of whom I wouldn't usually befriend under the best of circumstances (or even if a plague wiped out 99% of the world's population and these poor sods were all that was left), another 30% solely selected due to their attractiveness (which of course makes me a cooler person by virtue of knowing attractive people), another 30% would be people I vaguely know or knew from school or college who I don't actually give a shit about but still add nonetheless to show how popular I am, and perhaps the 10% or so left would be people I actually know who secretly hate me and only add me to their list to jack up their own friend numbers so they can seem cool themselves.

Ah...bliss...this virtual community of ours...behold all these cool and meaningless applications I add to show how happening I am...and check out how many things I have in common with a serial raper and paedophile...and look at how incredibly attractive I look in my photo-shopped snaps taken at flattering angles to hide my gut/double-shin/acne/sixth finger/third nipple.

I am so cool it hurts...so cool that I spend all time online feeding more juice into the amplified version of myself, telling everyone how I'm feeling on a daily basis in those cute little sentences that only makes me seem like that inbred one-eyed mutant retard from Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay. So cool that I have no actually physical contact with real humans, and alternate my time between Facebook and my imaginary friends in the World of Warcraft. So cool that I blatantly dish our personal tidbits about myself and shove all the events and parties I'm attending down the throats of complete strangers to show how utterly deep and popular I am, when in fact I have the personality of a flea and a pecker to match it.

Yeah, I'm cool, and you know it.

Dedicated to the amplified versions of all you 100 million active Facebook users out there.