4. Come on you Blues!!!

Gotta put this down. Watched Chelsea beat Blackburn on Thursday morning. The game was scrappy really, with lots of niggling fouls and stoppages. But a great game and result nonetheless, ‘specially in light of Blackburn’s tactics.

What is it with teams lacking in ability that they try to make up for it by wanting to kick their opponents into submission? I mean, what’s up with that? To Mark Hughes, I have two questions. The first question is: You’re a wanker. The second is: In which alternate reality did you find yourself in that you just had to comment that you were the better team at the end of the day? Was it a place where kangaroos talk and little midget men dance in ballerina costumes on top of your head?

I mean it seemed that Hughes sent out the instruction to come out and play like a bunch of snarling Roy Keanes, but forgot to mention that football is called football (as opposed to foot-foot) for a reason. The worst offenders on the night were the aptly named duo of Savage and Dickov.

Savage was being his usual self, throwing himself about trying to injure infinitely more gifted footballers than himself (though that ain’t saying much, your granny could outplay him). Is it just me or does Mr “Look At Me! I Have David Beckham’s Old Hairstyle!” seem disturbingly excitable in the company of other grown men in shorts. You just know that he’ll get his dirty little paws on them sooner or later. All the while grinning that pervo grin of his.

And Dickov, don’t even get me started. After seeing him rub his ass against Terry’s crotch for the umpteenth time (one time even actually grabbing his ass for the love of God), I could’ve sworn he was intentionally trying to get himself buggered. Was he trying to fulfil some twisted fantasy of a midget getting screwed up the arse by a big burly dude in front of a watching TV audience or what? Maybe he thought that he could get Terry sent off for the foul of sodomy or something.

The rest of the Blackburn players were no less pitiful. Somehow, you just have to feel pity for them, seeing as it was how they deluded themselves in thinking that they were actually a foot-balling team as opposed to a bunch of mutant monkeys from planet Retard. If it were any consolation, at least they’d score highly in a Best Baboon Impression competition. Unfortunately, this wasn’t it, you’d have to go to an Arsenal-Man U game for that one.

Kudos to Chelsea. They didn’t let Blackburn’s tactics intimidate them and dished out as much as they got (minus all the buggery). And seeing how passionately Jose “I Am the Special One” Mourinho and the boys celebrated after, you just know they aren’t gonna slip up. Still a long way yet, but Alex the Red-nose Fergusen and Arsene Whiner have their work cut out for them in trying to catch up, especially since those two look more interested in gorging each other’s eyes out (come on, hump one another and get it over with already!).

Come on you Blues!!!