147. A Five State Salute

Thus the people have spoken. Resoundingly so. So well done, but let's not forget that promises have been made, and we will wait for them to be delivered.

But what a night it was. Chelsea v Barnsley? Who gives a shit. Even if the Uncle Fester-led fools crashed out. There were bigger games afoot.

Watching RTM, TV3 and 8TV continuously talking about BN's wins in Sarawak was like watching a scene from the Twilight Zone where everyone is caught up in some space time continuum loop and doomed to repeat irrelevant things over and over again while the whole world passes them by. But of course they knew what was happening, they knew, those dastardly bunch. You could tell by a twitch here, a nervous glance there, rising terror and panic concealed behind hollow eyes.

Across the nation, the opposition became the government, and the government became the opposition. And thus, old-school BN lords and masters like Samy Vellu rode off in the sunset, with pockets full of Maika Holdings gold and head full of transplanted ass hair. Older, yes but none the prettier. Renowned dangdut singer Shahrizat sang her last repetitive tune, offering one last gem of a quote when questioned by the press on her defeat: "Some issues should have been taken more seriously." Sure they do, like how on earth can anyone be taken seriously with a haircut like yours?

Also bowing out with a whimper was Gerakan leader and ET-lookalike Dr Koh Tsu Koon, losing out to a dissident Indian professor in a state dominated by the Chinese. His party too joined him in defeat, being wiped out by the DAP. And the dominos fell, one by one, leaving those weened on sucking the life out of the people speechless and dumbfounded, responding like fish out of water gasping for sweet life.

Information minister and part-time comedian cum linguist too fell by the wayside, depriving us with priceless entertainment value through his interviews with the foreign media in his trademarked broken English. Who could forget these immortal words: "YA! It's a illegal protest because we have erection in Malaysia. It's no-no point on having a protest! We are allowing to every erection...every five years never fail! We are not our like, like Myanmar, not like other country. And, and you are helping this. You Al-Jazeera also is helping this, this forces. The, you know, these forces who are not in passion, who don't believe in democracy!"

So even as the members of the People's Front rejoiced in victory, the mood was rather glum elsewhere. In the UMNO party headquarters, the situation was grim as party leaders gathered with ashen faces to deliberate over their recent setback...