Tuesday, June 27, 2006

67. Onwards They March

What an upset. England, the over-whelming underdogs in the tie against the Ecuadorians, have managed to somehow scrap through, thanks to the mighty exploits of Beckham and co. What have we learned from this match?

a) Frank Lampard is surely the most over-rated footballer in the world. 2nd best player after Ronaldinho? Surely not. He's officially taken over the mantle from Gerrard, who at least looks half decent sometimes.
b) Beckham may play like crap for 89 minutes and 59 seconds, but is apt to score a brilliant free kick in a second (when he's not busy vomitting that is).
c) Watching England is like having a bit of your soul die away. It literally breaks the spirit and saps your will to live.
d) Frank Lampard is the most over-rated foot-, oh.
e) England's plan of playing a short-passing game consists of everyone passing to Beckham and him lumping 70 yard balls to no one in particular. Pure genius.

Of course, if England were to go on and win the damn thing, I'll be stuck with egg on my face. And if they do, the rubbish they've been playing will be forgiven and forgotten. But not by me, nay. The memory of the crimes they've committed against football and humanity in general shall be forever seared in my brain, till the end of days, when the cold of night has come.

Speaking of egg on the face, when will Shebby Singh give up the good fight and concentrate on things he's actually good at? Like, err...so he might actually be rubbish at everything. But I'm sure his mother still loves him. You could almost hear the nation collectively weep everytime he utters the phrase "And yes, Paul...", followed by an incoherent sentence or two, leaving the unfortunate Paul Masefield utterly perplexed.

But enough of the Sheb for now. As I write this, Italy has done it again! The spirit of USA 94 lives on! A late penalty puts the ten-men Italians through to the quarter-finals! Brilliant stuff that!!! ITALIA! ITALIA! ITALIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

andrew: if england played rubbish and reached the last 16, imagine if they played to their expectations!

joe said...

england playing like crap ARE england playing to expectations...just because andy grey and the rest of the english press talked them up big-time before the tournament, it doesn't necessarily mean it's true...england are a nation with a mighty superiority complex when it comes to football...which is rather unfortunate, and sad when one comes to think about it...it makes the soul weep...

Anonymous said...

so much hate - where is the wurve baby?

The Red Devil said...

Now is crunch time. The last 8 all have equal opportunity... with a little luck from the football gods England may go all the way....but first there is Big Phils Portugal and then maybe Brazil....

joe said...

it's the muppet show...starring sven as kermit the frog, rooney as miss piggy, crouch as big bird, beckham as the word of the day (which incidentally has to be "crap") and ferdinand as big bird's stool...enjoy it while it lasts boys