68. Muppet Watch #3

No, it's not the pathetic England team this time round (though they come pretty close). Neither is it the flops of Brazil (who admittedly lost due to a supernatural performance from the majestic Zidane, keen to prolong his swan song no doubt). Surely this week's muppet must be that Peker-man, bad pun intended of course.

Leading against the Germans, he decides to withdraw an attacking player (albeit a somewhat subdued Riquelme) for a defensive midfielder. Then he takes out Crespo for Cruz with the Maradona-heir in waiting sitting on the bench. Rather predictably, they go on to concede a late equaliser. And fluff their penalties. Such a bloody waste...the Argies have been by far the best team this World Cup. Ah well, better a possible semi-finals against the Germans than the Argies for the Italians then.

Let's also take the time out to bid a fond farewell to the Three Lions. They came with big reputations and the egos to match, and left with the typical English response to defeat: plenty of excuses and wild-eyed ranting. Blame Johnny Foreigner!!! Those bloody cheats!!! Blame the ref! Bloody Argie! Blame the pitch! Too hard, too dry!!! Blame exhaustion!!! Of course we know it's too tiring to kick a ball from 12 yards, eh, eh?

Ah, of course the nation of Alan "I dived for England" Shearer and Steven "Did you see my swan dive against Hungary?" Gerrard never cheat. Nay, never. And Rooney's the saintliest player in the world, a real angel that one. No, he didn't intentional trod on Carvalho's vital bits. It was all in good humour eh. 'twas a good-natured tap on the balls right.

When the English press stops foaming in their mouths, they'll come to the realisation that England were actually crap. That the only players who escaped with their reputations intact are Walcott, Jenas and Bridge. Only because they didn't play. And because they didn't have much of a reputation to begin with. Lampard? Second best player in the world? You're having a laugh right. Gerrard? EPL Player of the Year? Probably, but just not good enough against the big boys. And Rooney? The next Pele? More like the next Vinnie Jones. Now bugger off.